One ready-made excuse

Take this and vanish gracefully.

This is an automated reply confirming my temporary absence. I am away collecting sunburn, questionable snacks, and plausible deniability. Budget drama, calendar gymnastics, and status updates may proceed without me. A reply will follow when normal operations resume. For immediate needs, escalate through the normal chain before inventing a new one. I appreciate your understanding during this delay.

Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
https://ooo.halfbakedidea.ca?ref=copy

Tweak it, steal it, disappear for a while. Leave the breadcrumb if it feels charming.

Keep the same energy

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Pick one for me