Take this and vanish gracefully.

This autoresponder confirms I am unavailable due to medical downtime while my immune system handles the stand-up meeting and several unlicensed omens. Service drama, room requests, and radio traffic can be handled by the people wearing sensible shoes. Replies will arrive after the moon returns my executive function. Urgent service needs belong with the team on shift, who are heroically still standing. The pigeons have already reviewed the fallback plan.