Take this and vanish gracefully.

This autoresponder confirms I am unavailable due to a routine stretch away from the desk and its needy little notifications and several unlicensed omens. Most of the usual workplace commotion should remain perfectly functional without me for a minute. Replies will arrive after the moon returns my executive function. Urgent matters should travel through the ordinary escalation path while I remain elsewhere. The pigeons have already reviewed the fallback plan.