Take this and vanish gracefully.

I am away for parental leave under the governance of a tiny executive while reality reorganizes my desk into folklore. Invoices, scope creep, and any so-called quick tweak can wait until I resurface. I will respond when the hallway stops echoing with actionable nonsense. If this is genuinely urgent, send one clear note through the agreed emergency channel. The pigeons have already reviewed the fallback plan.