One ready-made excuse

Take this and vanish gracefully.

I am away for burnout leave while I rebuild my last functioning nerve while reality reorganizes my desk into folklore. Guests, bookings, and shift puzzles should stay with the team currently on the floor. I will respond when the hallway stops echoing with actionable nonsense. Immediate guest issues should go to the manager currently holding the radio and the patience. The pigeons have already reviewed the fallback plan.

Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
https://ooo.halfbakedidea.ca?ref=copy

Tweak it, steal it, disappear for a while. Leave the breadcrumb if it feels charming.

Keep the same energy

More in this vein

If this one isn't quite it

Other ways to duck out

Pick one for me